I have devised a way to forestall a Russian invasion of the Ukraine, and it is as villainous an idea as it is conceivably effective.
North of Kiev, the capital of the Ukraine, lies the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone. It comprises the remnants of the meltdown of the Chernobyl Nuclear Plant's Reactor #4 in the late 1980s. Encased within a sarcophagus of concrete, lead and steel, its contents have been nicknamed "The Elephant's Foot", and to this day, exposure for more than 300 seconds will deliver a lethal dose of radiation to anyone foolish enough to venture into its kill zone.
Now, the history of the Cold War includes the design and creation of what are known as "Doomsday Devices". The United States flirted with Cobalt Bombs, while the Soviets were rumored to have created the "Dead Hand". The general idea was that launching an unprovoked attack upon them would set off a device that would destroy both attacker and defender alike.
Ukraine once possessed nuclear weapons, but following the collapse of Communism, they were disarmed, with the explicit promise by Russia that it would never invade its smaller neighbor. And so the Ukrainians have now been left without a means of defending themselves. That, however, is where the Elephant's Foot enters the equation.
If I were the President of the Ukraine, I would take the following actions:
First, I would use remote control robots to rig thermobaric munitions to the hull of the Elephant's Foot.
Next, I would connect those explosives to remote detonators, which could be triggered at a moment's notice.
And finally, I would contact the Russians, and communicate in no uncertain terms that any incursion by their forces would result in the makeshift doomsday device being detonated.
Depending upon the prevailing winds, 250 tons of radioactive material could then be incinerated into particulates, and subsequently spread over thousands of square kilometers of Russian, Belarusian, and Ukrainian territory.
Yes, I know: pure villainy. But if there is one thing I have learned from my study of Russia and its neighbors, it is that they all enjoy a good game of geopolitical chicken every so often.
Add new comment