For the more innocent among us, what follows is your introduction to Chirp Aggro.
"What is Chirp Aggro?" you might ask. Well to begin with, your ignorance is likely a clear sign that you are not a person of color. And you, my sweet summer child, have an purity that I do envy. But the time of your education is nigh.
Imagine the following scenario: You pull into your parking space, hop out of the car, and lock the doors, before heading to your favorite shopping center. Immediately to your left a car chirps, then to your right another one echoes in kind. Next to your front and rear you also hear chirps.
A bit freaked out, you head across the parking lot, and as you pass each car, its chirps, almost on queue. You finally make it to the market, make your purchases, and then head back across the parking lot. And again, cars chirp as you pass. Finally you make it to your parking space, hop in your car, a bit shaken, and drive away.
You have just fallen victim to Chirp Aggro. White people have been silently tracking you, and punching the "Chirp" button as you pass their car. At first one would think that it is a subliminal message they are sending you: that you had better not try to break into their car.
But the absurdity of a person of any persuasion resorting to criminality in the presence of so many observers yields an ulterior motive: white patrons are harassing people of color, and intentionally making their lives miserable.
That is not the end of the tale though. On occasion, a white person who is too eager to persecute their colored brethren will punch too many buttons on their remote, and their car alarm will instantly erupt into cacophony. Sometimes they will successfully be able to turn it off using their remote, while at other times they must physically traverse the parking lot to their car, announcing their villainy to anyone who's been paying attention.
So there you have it: Chirp Aggro. A very subtle, very refined way to make people of color feel unwelcome in public places.
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